Top tips for parents of trans/gender diverse young people
By Sarah Favier, Principal Clinician, Gender Plus
Conversations about transition can be anxiety provoking. Young people can feel very worried about telling parents/carers about the feelings they are having around their gender – and might be worrying about other things too. We spoke to our Public and Patient Involvement Group (PPI) about some of the tips that have helped them to talk in a way that makes everyone feel comfortable.
Pick your moment - If you want your young person to open up, consider where you usually have good conversations – in the car, while washing up, walking the dog? Think of a time you are both likely to be relaxed and open to talking.
Lead with understanding - If a young person tells you about wanting to transition by text or message begin by thanking them for telling you and reassure them that you love them. This will make them more likely to want to continue the conversation.
Let your young person guide you - Often people can be worried about what language to use or getting it wrong. That is completely normal. Don’t be afraid to ask your young person to guide you. Questions such as what language (names, pronouns, etc) they prefer and why that is important to them, will only increase your understanding.
It’s a learning curve - It’s easy to worry about making mistakes with names and pronouns for example, but don’t let that stop you from trying to get it right. Young people usually understand when this is a mistake and appreciate an apology. It can take time to make changes stick.
Growth takes time - You don’t need to tackle every aspect of transition in one conversation – it’s ok to talk a little bit several times over weeks, months or even years.
Don’t put your worry onto your young person - If as a parent / carer you are worried about your young person wanting to transition try and keep your worry in check – ask them why this is important to them and try to listen and - most importantly - hear their answers. You can talk through your worry with a partner or good friend.
Break it down - You could each prepare for conversations by writing down your top three hopes for your relationship; top three hopes for any potential transition; top three concerns about any potential transition.
Outside of home - you might want to check how things are going for them in other settings – if they attend school or college – and ask if they need any help to talk with people there.
Be visibly supportive - Your child might interpret any caution in your response to their news as negativity. By welcoming queer culture (books, TV shows, attending events etc) into your family life in a way that feels safe and right for your family, you are sending a clear signal that you are supportive and willing to learn.
Beyond transition - Remember if transition seems to be dominating your lives and thoughts, reconnect with activities, people or places that you both enjoy – invest in your relationship and have a break from transition talk or worry if possible.
What tips have helped you when navigating conversations with your loved ones? Let us know via our insta account @genderplusukirl and we will do a round up of the best ones.
If you would like to chat to our family and relationship therapy team get in touch.
