Managing Gender Dysphoria: Practical Tips from the Community
Dr. Rosie Sharville, Clinical Psychologist at Gender Plus
Having worked in gender services for many years, the best advice I've gathered about managing gender dysphoria comes directly from experiences shared by the community. Waiting times for care on the NHS can be incredibly long, and while private services offer more timely access, cost can be a barrier.
Here I share some key insights that I hope might offer some comfort and guidance.
When thinking about managing your gender dysphoria, start with this question: What would you like to do that you're currently holding yourself back from?
Those I speak to frequently talk about the barriers they face to achieving the gender expression they want, so I like to strip that all away and explore what their gender expression might look like in a world where those barriers don't exist. Once we have a clear idea of the ultimate goal, we can identify the individual steps on the path towards achieving it. We often find that, while the big picture can be intimidating, many of the steps that lead us there are small and very achievable from a change of hairstyle to a piece of gender affirming clothing.
Small Steps
All too often, fear of how people might react prevents us from taking steps to affirm ourselves in our gender. It's important to understand that you can build up to where you eventually want to be. I call this "graded exposure" - perhaps starting by trying new clothes at home, then wearing them around trusted friends, before wearing them more publicly. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Trying things on for size can help inform decisions rather than dictate them. While there is no right or wrong way to express your gender - it is personal to each and every one of us - our perception of what makes someone appear masculine or feminine can shape our ideas around how we want to present.
On your own terms
The most important thing to remember is that transition should always be on your own terms. Small changes can give you a preview of how you might be perceived in your gender, which can help build confidence. This is all about exploration. You don't need permission from anybody else.
Taking action that makes you feel more at home in your gender can be incredibly empowering. While stereotypes can be unhelpful, there are certain traits that society associates with masculinity and femininity, and exploring some of these can be genuinely affirming.
Practical options for trans masculine individuals:
Binding: Wearing a binder or sports bra underneath your clothes can help create a flatter chest appearance. If you are considering wearing a binder please prioritise your health by following the guidance on time limits, wearing the correct size and taking regular breaks.
Clothing: The way a jacket, shirt or trousers hang on your body or how they are cut can make a real difference to your silhouette. What fits well across the shoulders is often too long on the body, but this can be easily adjusted by someone who knows how to sew - you could even check out a local tailor or adjustment service
Hair: this is something we can have quite a lot of control over - experiment with short, long or different styles and see what feels right
Makeup: Using contouring techniques to create more angular facial features or shadowing to suggest facial hair
Facial hair: If you have some growth, dyeing it darker can make it more visible
Body care: Choosing masculine-coded grooming products and routines
Practical options for trans feminine individuals:
Clothing: Explore feminine looks and styles that feel comfortable and affirming - remembering that your choices extend well beyond skirts and dresses!
Hair: Experiment with what feels right to you, accessories can be a great addition, as can wigs and extensions if your natural hair isn’t as thick as you might like
Makeup: online tutorials are great for trying techniques for feminising facial features, covering facial shadow, and enhancing features
Hair removal: Shaving, using hair removal creams, or other methods for face and body. Some people consider more permanent solutions such as laser and electrolysis though these options are more expensive
Voice work: you can search up speech and language therapists who specialise in working with gender and trans experiences. Or there are some free resources and videos online, always being mindful of safety considerations when doing this alone
Skincare and body care: Exploring feminine-coded products and routines
Undergarments: Choosing feminine underwear that only you know about can be incredibly affirming. This can extend to soft sports-style bras that you could wear under clothing at home or out and about, if you feel ready you could also access more structured bras and inserts to achieve the desired silhouette.
Fears around trans misogyny, discrimination and safety concerns are completely understandable. But in spite of these, the hope is that you are still able to find ways to live a life that is authentically yours. The beauty of these temporary measures is that they can help you feel more comfortable while you're figuring out how you most want to be perceived, and you can choose the extent to which you want to make these changes and the places in which you feel safe to explore them.
Check out support groups
It is important to realise that you are not alone. There are lots of support groups available through which you can get to know other trans people - both online and in-person. Often these can become the spaces where your gender is the least important thing about you, freeing you up to focus on other things you might want to explore with likeminded people. Many areas have local trans support groups, and national organisations often organise online and in-person meetups. A good place to start is a simple Google search of your local organisations, or directories such as Tranzwiki by Gires the Gender Identity Research & Education Society.
I hope that in reading this you can give yourself permission to try something that you have wanted to try, and to know that you don’t need anybody else’s permission to live a life that brings you joy and reduces distress. Remember: this is not a checklist of what you must do to qualify as "trans enough." The main goal is simply to find ways to help you feel more yourself.
